theres so much i want to say

this dumb blog is all i have

i cant even turn my thoughts into something beneficial like coherent writing

i often cant recognise myself anymore but ive been unbelievably out of touch with my feelings

now that im on my own and you're next to my mind it appears i really do care

but im not bitter or angry, god knows anger is a privilege, im just sad

im mad at myself for ever doing this in the first place

and messing everything up

for me and for you

i should've let it all just be

in a pretty sick way i suppose i should be glad you're gone

maybe then letting go of any of this could finally be easy for me

im really tired of holding out

it hurts too much

everything hurts and my stomach feels all wrong

and don't even get me started on the chest pains

there's something really wrong

give me a reason not to go or let me let go

it all hurts too much

and i need to do something because i cant keep feeling like this, i wont do it to myself

hot take that should be common sense

im SICK and tired of giving grace to old people to be absolute judgemental arrogant assholes just because theyre old like why have we normalised this

i was completely minding my business today with my friends wearing literally a tank top and trackies and we're walking and these fucking nans walk by staring dead at me and saying "look what she's wearing on a 14 degree day what would she wear in the summer at this point" excuuuuuuse me you frumpy old bitch ill walk around with my tits out on a 2 degree day if i like so shut your fat gob you mouthy little fucker

they're LUCKY it took me a minute to process what i heard because it would truly be on like donkey kong if they hadn't kept it moving

like seriously if anything they should be the ones that know better since they're the people that have lived the longest so why do people just think it's ok to be a cunt because they're old and frail like no you're a grown adult not a baby so act like one

idc how many grandkids u have, say it to my face or shut the fuck up you entitled miserable twat

-resentful pessimistic rebellious outlaw teenager apparently

but in my dreams i seem to be more honest

and i must admit, you've been in quite a few

oh my god eeewwwwwww!! -megan bloomfield

im so fuckinggggg gay bro girls are so so so attractive i can't do it

it's actually gut wrenching

i don't even have anything else to say that's just it

but literally everyone is fucking straight it's a curse free all these hot girls from their weird grimy ass male situationships and get them onto ME instead

why is everybody straight

or queerbaiting

kill me

we need some fucking present day realistic sapphic media it's all either fictionalised by being set in some faraway land as if it's an unheard of myth to like girls or it's horrible fucking representation 

we need another movie like bottoms. was the plot realistic?? obviously fucking not! but when josie (...) started describing how she was gonna make a move on isabel (at their 20th high school reunion) i felt that shit in my soul that is GENUINELY how i plot on the girls i like. best sapphic crush experience representation ive ever seen

anyways back to real life im massively gay and im gonna burn myself alive if one more pretty girl i meet is straight ive HAD IT.

and it's so fucking frustrating trying to talk to my friends about my love life because it's like as soon as i say "she" they talk to me like im a fragile ticking time bomb basket case that they have no idea how to behave around. not in a homophobic way whatsoever but they just immediately get so awkward and have no idea how to help me because they think liking girls is genuinely such a fucking mythical concept. therefore i never have any idea what to do when i like a girl and handle it like im a lab experiment and it's my first fucking day out in the world. God.

being gay is so gay like i don't even know how else to describe it

like what do you mean im crying over a girl giving me weird fucking signals? Gay ass

like awwww u don't know if she's flirting with you or if she's just straight and funny? gay

UGH i want to crawl out of my fruity little skin and die

me and my lesbian coded straight music vs men & queerbaiting girls out to kill me

Ugh

-ugh

ok sleep time now i think 

zzzzz

sometimes

i be talking then i think man if someone was telling me all this id refer them to a hypnotherapist

-could be brave or just insane

...

boys are insufferable

i think it's an issue that i genuinely don't believe in good (straight) men

like no joke i am so disgustingly distrusting of every single man i know it's scary. not scary for me (#bettersafethansorry) but just overall shocking to most people when they realise im NOT joking when i talk about not trusting boys

that's probably a very unhealthy way of thinking with a lot to unpack but hey it's not hurting anyone and it's certainly not hurting me

that's not to say all boys are inherently evil or that all girls are perfect but i truly believe all boys growing up are conditioned to sexist beliefs to some extent, often not even by choice or by fault of them or their parents, but simply because of the inescapable patriarchy found in every aspect of society. every single boy. and again that's not necessarily their fault and that's our world and it fuckinggggg suuuuucks but im not their mama and it's not my job to teach them rights and wrongs and to not say bigoted horseshit (intentionally or unintentionally) therefore i avoid the burden all together!

odds are that will change as i get older and a fair amount of boys will use their heads for the greater good and actually educate themselves, but im not trynna place all my eggs in one basket especially when the chances of success are still slim

i can acknowledge some boys are nice to look at but when they open their mouths sooner or later they're gonna say some bullshit and i just cannot be fucked doing a background check on every boy im attracted to to see whether or not they believe in basic fucking equity and human rights like no thanks how exhausting

that probably all makes me sound like a massive heinous misandrist bitch but i actually really don't care and id get that title plastered on a t shirt if i could. plus yet again my prejudice isn't hurting anyone when i can crush on really sexy smart girls instead. live laugh love bisexuality #ilovemycountry!